To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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