You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
