I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
