Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
