i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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