You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
