omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
