So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
