Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
