I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Are we still banned from the library?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
