he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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