I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
