Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
