mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
