The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
