atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Enjoy the penises
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
