At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
