i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
