you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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