I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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