apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
