please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
