Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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