I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
