dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I need to align my fucking chakras
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
