fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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