I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
