Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
