I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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