i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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