She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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