i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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