Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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