What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
