Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
