Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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