She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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