It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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