I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
