ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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