Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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