I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
