my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
