I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
