also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
