after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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