Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
