dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
