Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
