i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My pussy is not your playground.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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