I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
