Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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