So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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