i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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